dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
