??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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