my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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