Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
