i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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