i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
