everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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