Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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