Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
