It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
