this just has baby written all over it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
