Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
