Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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