the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize