I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think your dad took our porno
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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