my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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