MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
