Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
