Buhtt sex?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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