What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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