Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize