i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
