Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
