Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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