I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
