So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
