i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize