Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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