I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
there was a trapeze. enough said
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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