did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Farmville is her only friend.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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