I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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