I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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