Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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