ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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