Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
