What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i dont even know how to be here
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
