I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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