are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just want to make out with him forever
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
