I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
