Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
