i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
