Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
