maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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