somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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