Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize