:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
