they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize