well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
