It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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