My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
