I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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