i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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