at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
