i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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