do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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