I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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