woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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