Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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