He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
