They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
