There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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