This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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