do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
