i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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