remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
