Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
